Acquiring Happiness and Balance in life
What is love? Many people have asked me that question. I perceive
love as acceptance of oneself and letting go of fears, non-benefical
fears, fears that are unproductive and destructive. In society,
we understand love and act on what we think love is, by holding
on out of possession, and we hold on, because we fear we are going
to lose something, something that we are used to or feel comfortable
with, even though it may be causing us discomfort, unhappiness & pain
in our life. We become fearful of letting go, out of the fear of
the unknown or out of our own insecurities. If you can realize
that change is not letting go of anything, but an addition to the
self. It is important to face oneself and love yourself, regardless
of what you see within.
As we begin to understand love for what it really is, we start
to respect ourselves and begin also to understand loyalty & responsibility.
These are other aspects of love.
We are taught to be loyal and responsible to everything outside
ourselves. When we are not, we feel guilty or allow others to make
us feel guilty, and then we start feeling responsible and obligated
to others. In the process, leave ourselves out. You start taking
care of everyone else's needs and not your own. Guilt is a useless
emotion. It is a denial of self. In the process, you leave yourself
out. It only causes pain, because we end up punishing ourselves
when we feel guilty, and end up taking care of other peoples problems.
Doing that gives your energy away. You loose your personal power
to survive. True love is allowing others to deal with their own
energy and allowing them to take responsibility for the choices
they have made, so you can go on with your own life, creating the
reality you need and desire.
Loyalty to oneself does not mean being an egotistic person---
me first, me second and me third! It is a person who has their
priorities in order. Loyalty to self first, then to the family,
to your work or business, and then to where your fellowship or
social circles are. In that order. Loyalty to yourself, is having
trust and confidence in yourself. Your identity or essential qualities
is distinct from all other persons. It is believing in yourself
that does not require proof.
Now that I have defined loyalty, what about responsibility? Responsibility
means being accountable for your actions in fulfilling your desire.
It is taking responsibility for the choices you make and the outcome
of those choices. We have been taught to be responsible for everyone
else, that is outer responsibility. From this point of view, responsibility
becomes a burden, not an opportunity. We are afraid of change because
change is more responsibility. Life is constant change and you
cannot stop change. If you try, it just drags you along with it,
and that way is not very pleasant. Life is in constant change .
Trying to keep things the same will not work, for stagnation can
Here is an example of being loyal and responsible. It seems in
life that we are always confronted with what society calls a "problem".
In reality, they are 'growing experiences', opportunities to learn,
grow and unfold. They help you understand more about yourself.
If you can think this way, then you start to live life, instead
of life living you. When these problems arise, we have a tendency
to get stuck in them, digging a deeper hole and never seeing the
light at the end of the tunnel, and we feel like victims. We become
problem oriented. However, a person loyal and responsible to themselves,
will work with solutions and become a solution-oriented person,
knowing 'where there is a will, there is a way'. It takes courage,
strength and trusting one self .
What are the basis for a solution-oriented person? A person who
works with the facts-- the four "W"s - [What-When-Where-Why].
Whenever you are confronted with a problem, whether it is personal,
business or social, ask yourself the four "W"s.
Identifying the problem: What am I feeling? When did it start?
Where did it start? Why did it start? When you have accomplished
that, you will feel more in charge of the situation, instead of
helpless with no solution in sight. The key is to do this as soon
as the situation arises. immediately dropping everything and doing
the above formula. Else, you will lose the feeling and have to
wait till it comes back in another situation. When you have identified
the problem, you will seek a solution for it. Now you ask: What
am I going to do about it? When am I going to do something about
it? Where am I going to do something about it? What am I going
to do something about? As you accomplish this, you will feel you
have risen above the problem and feel a sense of peace, security
and direction. The more often you do this, the simpler it becomes.
Be aware that at first, you might have some difficulty asking or
getting an interpretation to what it is you feel, however; as you
persevere and follow through, you will gain a balance of thought
and feeling and clear open communications, with yourself.
By Doris C. Mizzi - B. Msc. H.C.